Dr. Graham Douglas'
Nigerian Fraud Masterclass
Guaranteed Risk Free Propositions
Dear Gullible
I know that this email will surely come to you as asurprise, but I will crave your indulgence to view it seriously and I apologise, but I hope that it will be a welcome surprise. Before I run out of steam, I will like to introduce my self and go straight to the point. My name is Dr.Graham Douglas a banker. My primary reason for writing to you is to seek your partnership/assistance in a business transaction. I need your partnership and assistance because of the following reasons:
Oh for fuck's sake.... it takes this prize twat 3 pages of semi-coherent dribbling to outline a ludicrous plan to launder $18,500,000 US. If the recipient (yours truly) doesn't help with the plan, then "corrupt Nigerian officials" will get the money and use it to buy guns, and will probably shoot babies with them, but if help is given, 30% of the profits are mine for the spending. If my calculations are correct, and they fucking are, this means $5,550,000 in Duane Eddies
Surely, you must have some questions or may be you just need further clarification. I will be happy to receive a telephone call from you or a fax message to this effect, this will enable me explain further what the next step is and the general plan
Dr.Graham Douglas.
Dear Graham
Dear Graham,
Please allow me to help, it sounds very important.
Dear Norman
I received your email with thanks and I appreciate your response with your willingness and readiness to assist us in this transaction,
Please, revert as soon as possible.
Best Regards.
Dr. Graham Douglas.
Dear Graham
Graham, (I hope it’s o.k. to call you graham, I thought it was more discrete than using your surname),
Thanks again for selecting me to help in this matter. Rest assured I understand all that you mean when you mention “trust and confidentiality” and consider these two issues to be the foundation of any business relationship. Obviously you do too, which I find very reassuring.
I enclose the name and address you requested and look forward to hearing from you again.
Name: Norman Bettison (The Chief Constable of Merseyside)
Address: Station House (As in Police Station)
Manor Road
Wallasey
Wirral
Merseyside
CH44 1DA
Dear Norman
Dear Norman,
Thank you very much for your mail,and your willingness to participate in this mutual beneficial project.
Norman,i am an honest and GOD fearing person.I have already told you this in my prvious mails to you.I am assuring you once more of your 100% risk free participation in this project.Like i did say i have a name and reputation to maintain,please do keep this transaction confidential and do not discuss it with anyone for now.
Brother,like i did say i will require you to travel to recieve payment of this funds from our offshore paying centre`s of my Bank.I will require to please let me know which of the continets you wish to recieve payment so i let you the various centre`s there.
Brother,i have forwarded your informations to my Lawyer to start preparation of the release Documents for my Bank.I have also given him money to prepare the Tax Clearance from the Ministry of Finance,as my Bank demands this Documents before the final approval for the release of the Estate to the beneficiary(You).
Norman,by GOD`s grace he should be through with this Documents by Friday.And i will use my influence as a Director to make sure the funds be released to you immediately so you can go to any of the countries for payment.
Norman,as you can see in this transaction time is of equal importance as confidentiality.So do get back to me with the answers to all my question`s.I will not want to delay this transaction,i will want us to conclude this transaction within ten working days as i have earlier stated.
Norman,i will want you to please give a brief detail about yourself.Your age,profession,marital statue.
Norman,please send to me immediately all your numbers,for easier communication.Norman,let confidentiality be our watchword.Once again i assure you 100% risk free participation.
I await your mail.
Regards,
Graham.
Dear Graham
Dear Graham,
Thank you for being so swift with your reply. I was reassured to see you are a God fearing man, as I am myself, for I feel safe doing business with a fellow servant of the Lord Jesus Christ, our saviour.
I am in full time employment so if you can give me some idea of when I will need to travel, I will be able to book some time off. I need about 2 weeks notice really, to avoid any suspicion, so hopefully you will be able to wait for 4 days more than the ten you suggested.
To make our business arrangement as confidential as possible, I will be pretending to be going away for a holiday, as I usually do every year at about this time.
If we can meet in the USA it will not be suspicious to anyone I work with, as I have often talked about going on holiday there. Here are the details you requested:
Age 55
Profession Advertising Executive
Marital Status Single (widowed)
Fax: <==== ( the Chief Constable’s fax no.)
The fax number is my own personal fax machine in my office, I have not put my phone number down as that will always be answered by my secretary, and it is possible that she could listen in to our call without us knowing, and as you say, “let confidentiality be our watchword”
I look forward to doing business with you.
Yours in God,
Norman
P.S. Please let me know if you would like any further assistance
Dear Norman
Dear Norman
Norman,i must confess that i am really impressed with the way things are going as planned.I will want you to know that once you have the funds in you custody you will invite me over to your place so i can come around for my share.
Norman,i want you to know that our relationship will not only be a business relationship but as brothers.
I will await your call or mail.My Number:+9.
Regards,
Dr Graham.
Dear Graham
Graham,
I was so pleased to hear from you again so quickly. Even though I have not yet met you, I can honestly say that I think of you as a brother too.
Originally you offered me 30% of the profits from our venture, but as brothers, should we not be sharing more equally?
I was going to ask for 50% of the profits until I realised that you will doubtless be incurring expenses at your end, so I am asking you to consider a split of 60% for you and 40% for me.
I was thinking, is it necessary that I open a new bank account for this? or will it seem suspicious?
My job gives me full control of two company bank accounts. Both of these accounts have large but varying sums of money passing through them most weeks, and would be a good way of keeping things very discrete. Large amounts of cash in a new bank account will attract the attention of the banks and tax people straight away, but will seem normal in these business accounts.
Regards,
Norman
P.S. Now we are friends, you can call me 'Normy' (everyone else does)
Dear Normy
Normy
Thanks for the mail,i must say i expected your call all through. Normy i will want a situation where you reply may mails more quickly.In this transaction time is equal importance as confidentiality.
Normy,i want you to know that i am not the only person over here so the percentage you are insisting on will not be possible.I insist that we share this money 30/60 as we have previously agreed.The remaining 10% will be used for cost from both sides.Think of what 30% of this will do for you.
Normy,i still insist that you call me on my tel:+9.
Regards,
Graham
Dear Graham
Graham,
I have just booked my flight, it is as far as anyone else knows, a holiday flight and I am going to stay with an old friend in upstate New York for 7 days. It's Friday 22nd November, the Virgin Atlantic flight VS003 from Heathrow to JFK, leaving at 14:00 and arriving at 16:40.
I have to confess I am a little nervous about things since I read your last email. As you know, I have acted swiftly at all times, and maintained total confidentiality, so why do you feel you have to become threatening with "insist" and "demand", and why do you want me to maintain confidentiality when you also want me to phone you on a notoriously insecure international telephone line?
We should really start to encrypt our correspondence as I believe the FBI's Echelon system reads lots of emails in secret.
I know a lot depends on you being able to trust me, and me trusting you, so we will understandably be a little nervous of each other, so can you just reassure me that I am still your friend as well as being your business partner
Love,
Norm
Dear Normy
Normy,
Thank you very much for your mail and also sdending and confirming your flight schedule to me. Normy,i want you to understand that everything is really working out well over here.
Normy,what will you tell your friend you came to USA for?And what will you tell him about the money when you finally recieve it?Please let me know what your answers will be.
Normy,the payment centre is in Houston.I would have preferef you Travel there and check into an Hotel instead.For the sake of confidetiality i would have prefered you going straight to Houston,and after recieving payment you can now go to New-york to stay for the remaining days before going back.
Normy,i hope you understand this.I am not trying to be too forward,but only trying to safe this Project that have put in soo much to bring to this level.I would not want anything that will Jeorpardise this Project.I hope you understand this my Good Friend.
Normy,you did not sway anything about the safety of this funds in your company account as you said in your last mail and also if you have agreed with the sharing percentage.
Normy,i sincerely pray that the Approval will be sighned by Monday for the release of the funds to you by the Chairman of my Bank.Immediately this Approval is sighned a notification will be sent to the Officials in Houston to pay you.
Normy,i will await your mail and answers to this few question.I hope you still call me.
Regards,
Graham
Dear Graham
Graham,
I have already told you in previous emails about what I am telling people. In the UK, most people I know are not being told anything at all.
Those that would notice me having gone are being told that I am going on my long awaited holiday to America, for 2 weeks and that I will at some point be staying with my friend, Dr Richard Feynmann, at his Country Club in upstate New York.
I have known Richard since I was 6 years old and even he knows nothing about our plans. He doesn't even know I am going to be in the USA so I hope I don't bump into him, mind you, the USA is a big place, isn't it.
About the money, I am going to tell everyone exactly the same thing, so I don't make any mistakes. I am going to tell them absolutely fuck all.
I will see about changing my flight plans tomorrow and let you know then what the Sit. Rep. is vis a vis the tete a tete we have planned.
All my Love, friend,
Normy. x x x
Dear Normy
Normy,
I am really pleased with your reply to my mail,you see i was just trying to make sure everything works out well.And i know everything will be cool.
Normy,i am in the Office and by Gods grace the Approval would have been sighned by the Chairman of my Bank before the end of the day.Once this is done,we are through with this project.As all that will be remaining will be you travelling to Houston to pick up this money.I will want you to please reconfirm your tel number to me,so i can call you once this is done since you have refused to call me.
Regards,
Graham.
Dear Graham
Graham
Sing Hosanna! The Lord Jesus Christ, our Saviour, was truly watching over us! pardon me for being a little rude, but FUCKIN'G HELL! YESSSSS!!!!! I AM ONE RICH MOTHERFUCKER NOW!!!!
Now, back to your questions. As I explained in one of my first emails, I have not sent you my phone number because I am not able to guarantee confidentiality when using it, as my manservant and secretary are employed to answer my phone calls, so a) It would look very odd if I started to answer the phone and b) They could easily listen to our calls without either of us knowing
Graham, I love you
Normy x x x
Dear Normy
Normy,
We thank God almighty for seeing us through this project.We really have every course to give him praises.
Normy,since you feel we cannot discuss on phone ok.My colleague`s in the International Remmitance Dept.of my Bank that are also into this project have assured me that all is well for you to recieve payment in America.
I have really spent so much to bring things to this level,i am relying on you so i can pay back the people i borrowed money from soon.From the Documents from my Bank,the only requirement the officials demand from you before payment in America is the Adminstrative and Draft Charges amounting to 0.1% of total sum payable in cash.The 0.1% amounting to $18,500(eighteen thousand five hundrend dollars).
Normy,our rules over here is that.This charges must be paid before claim of inheritance,this has been our rules so we canot change it.Therefore,i beg you to please do all you can to see through.We cannot let everything down now.
Normy,I undrestand that this might come as a surprise to you but please don`t be upset.I know that this money is quite big,but we cannot afford to loose out now because of this.Please do all you can to arrange for this money before travelling,as this is the only thing that can hinder us now.Normy,i am relying completely on you to see us through.
Normy,i know you did not bargain for this likewise myself.The only thing i can tell you now is for to do this as your own sacrifice for this project,like you know as a christain nothing good comes easy.Since you will have the funds in your care,you can deduct all that you have spent immediately after recieving payment including cost of travelling as i am also keeping records of all ihave spent.We will remove all that have spent,before sharing according to the Percentage we have agreed.
Normy,please indicate to me how you wish to recieve Documents so i can send them to you. I await your mail.
Regards and love,
Graham.
Dear Graham
Graham,
Hey!whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaassssssuppppppppppppppp dude? Take a chill pill, cool your jets maaaan, 18,500 dead presidents ain't nuttin' to a gangsta playa o-g hustler pimpin' be-yatch like Ol'Normy,
Is that all you need? if you needed more, and you were too embarassed to ask, I think I can trust you with anything up to 100 big ones
Oh yes, how would I like to receive my documents? I know it may be a little awkward but I think in the best interests of our watchword, "confidentiality", these documents should be sent by carrier pigeon, failing that, could you send someone with them secreted about their person e.g. rolled into a tube and inserted into the anus cavity like some kind of Columbian drugs mule?
I hope man-man love is socially acceptable in your country, Graham, because frankly,
You turn me on
Dear Normy
Normy,
What is the meaning of what you are writting?I suppose you understand the state of this project.I have done my part here to bring this project to this level,please do not jeorpadise everything now.
Like i told you i will like to speak to you,please do send me your number so i can call you.Normy,we cannot afford to back out now.I suppose you understand that nothing good comes easy.Please relax anmd think this over.
I will await your reply.
Regards,
Graham.
Dear Graham
Graham,
What can I say? I am so sorry I wrote such silly nonsense to you, I have just re-read it and I don't understand it myself. It was my birthday today and I had far too much to drink, and because I had not touched a drink for years it went straight to my head.
I allowed myself a few drinks to celebrate, not just my birthday, but our partnership and our future together both in business and as brothers and friends.
How can I ever thank you for bringing this sudden good fortune my way, when I was teetering on the verge of having to sell the family silver to pay for the upkeep of the house, it's grounds and the loyal staff. Thanks to you I will be able to retain the services of 8 of the gardeners and 4 of the kitchen staff.
Thanks,
Normski
Dear Normy
Normy,
I was really surprised at your mail,as it was the last thing i expected from you
especially at this stage of this project.Normy now that you have read my mail all over,
can you please explain what i was trying to let you know.
Like i said we will have to conclude this transaction in earnest,as time is really running.Normy like i said in my mail
how do you wish to recieve the Documents?Email or fax,please let me know this immediately.How is your flight schedule now?
Normy,i expect your immediate reply.Anyway,Happy Birthday my good friend
Regards,
Graham
Dear Graham
Graham,
I do not understand what you are asking me to do.
What is it that surprised you about my email?
"can you please explain what i was trying to let you know" is rather difficult to do, as only you know what you were trying to let me know, and so without knowing what you were trying to let me know, letting you know what you were trying to let me know is something I don't know how to do, if you know what I mean.
If you are unable to secure a reliable carrier pigeon for the documents, then fax me them, I gave you the number in my second email to you, brother Graham.
How about a new watchword as I am getting a little bored with "confidentiality" and think "clarity" would be a good replacement.
let me know,
love and kisses from
Normy and The Lord Jesus Christ, Our Saviour x x x
Dear Normy
Normy,
I will fax the Documents to you tomorrow after closing hours.How is your flight schedule
now?How far have you gone about raising the Money for Adminstrative charges that you will need to pay at the Centre in Houston?
Normy it is important you go along with this money,as that is the only thing that can hinder this Project now.Like i said,you can take back this money immediately after recieving payment.Since i am entrusting this Funds in your care you should have no fear,all you need to do is take out whatever amount you spent in this transaction.I am keeping records of all i am spending,as we will take back all we spent even before sharing.
Normy since you are having the Documents tomorrow,are you still traveling on Friday?Please do all you can as we are now at the peak of this project.All that is remaining now is for you travel and recieve Payment.
Normy,i hope the fax number you gave is Confidential enough to recieve this Documents.
I hope i have made myself clear in this mail.
Regards,
Graham.Crytal
Ckear.Sor
Ron
Dear Graham
Graham,
Oh yes, you have yourself clear alright, don't worry about the money you asked for as I managed to get some loose change converted by a friend who had spare dollars from a recent business trip. He gave me a very good deal and so I actually have over $19 and not just the $18.50 you wanted.
See you soon, in the Big Nipple or whatever they call it
kiss kiss
Normeroony
Dear Normy
Normy,
You still did not answer the question.Are you still travelling on Friday as earlier planned?I will send the Documents,when i am sure that you are set for the trip.
The $18,500.00,is the cost of both Adminstrative and Draft charges.So i am the person demanding for it as you said in your mail.You will take along with you to Houston this amount,as you will need to settle this charges before recieving Payment.
Please do get to me with your flight schedule,so i know your stand for now.
I will await your mail.
Regards,
Graham.
Dear Graham
Graham,
Whaddyamean? It's you that has not sent the fax that I was waiting for, so please do not try to twist things to cover up for your lack of professionalism, I am beginning to wonder what on earth you are playing at, you keep asking me to be "confidential" etc, and then you send me things that should anyone intercept them, will send the whole shithouse up in flames. I will be in Houston on Monday morning with the money you requested.
I have booked in at the InterContinental Hotel
2222 West Loop South
HOUSTON, TX 77027
and have arranged that you can phone me at this number if you want to speak to me, it is a Houston Number, if you ask to speak to "The Man who is waiting to do business" they will get me for you, I did not want to leave my name
The Normster
Some people have suggested that perhaps I should have made it clearer to Dr Douglas that the phone number I provided was for Houston based escort service "Sexy Escorts"
Dear Normy
Normy,
I am having aproblem getting the Fax number you gave me.Please instruct me on how to dial the Number,include your Country Code and reconfirm number
Regards,
Graham.
Dear Graham
Graham,
I insist you smarten up your act, here I am in Houston, killing time by entertaining prostitutes in my hotel suite whilst waiting to hear something. At this rate I'll have spent my wad by the time we meet. To fax, you change the first '0' of the number to ''
Normy the Stud
Dear Normy
Normy,
For the sake of time as i am unable to get the Documents to you through fax i decided to send them through this medium.You can print them out from your printer,this will even bring a better print out than fax.
Please confirm reciept of this Documents immediately.I will want you to contact the Chief Payment Officer:Mr Guy Oliver Immediately so you can let him of your arrival.You must talk to him immediately.
Regards,
Graham
The Documents Arrive 1 2 3 4 5 6
Normy,
Please confirm reciept of the Documents to me immediately.You will have to speak to the CPO in Houston before travelling.
I await your prompt response.
Graham.
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Dear Graham
Graham,
I have the documents, I can hardly contain my excitement, we are so close I am on the vinegar strokes. In answer to your last question, yes, I do 'Yahoo' and find Yahoo! Mail plus to be both powerful and (especially now) very affordable
Dear Graham
Graham,
I have fucked up big time, one of the prostitutes I was fooling around with at the hotel has gone and fucking died on me. She thought that the heroin I had bought (for my own recreational use, I can handle it) was actually cocaine, and the silly bitch has snorted most of a bag of top notch mexican brown I just got fresh over the border in Tijuana.
What a fucking waste. It was such good gear, anyway, I've got her in a fucking suitcase in the back of a rented station wagon and am going to dump it. I will be in touch again as soon as the heat is off.
Thanks for the laughs,
Norm 'Bitchkilla' Bettison
Dear Normy
Normy,
Call the (CPO) at once.Here again are his contacts:
Tel:,
Fax:.
Call him and tell him why you are in Houston.Be serous Normy,and lets get this done.
Dear Graham
Hello, Dr Douglas,
I am 'Normy's wife, and I have found out what he has been up to. How he has the nerve to claim that I am dead I don't know, but I'll tell you this much, he'll fucking well wish he was dead when I get hold of him.
I will spank his backside with my special hairbrush until it bleeds (and yes, I do mean the hairbrush and not his fat spotty arse)
Regards,
Ethel Bettison (Mrs)
Please Mail Normy with any other offers of untold wealth
