Acting on a hot insider tip from a financial expert (thanks Invictus), Dick attempts to muscle in on a deal.....
Mr Tafiq,
A mutual friend contacted me recently, seeking a reliable person to assist in the transfer of a substantial sum of money into safe banking and profitable investments. I was contacted because I have a great deal of experience in such matters, and specialise in transfers where utmost confidentiality is required. If my services are of interest to you, can you please forward further details as soon as possible? If you have any questions, please do not hesitate to ask.
Yours,
Dick Wright-Upham
Dear Dick Wright-Upham,
I have received your mail to my business proposal and the contents are well understood, thank you for the quick response.
Mr. Dick, I believe it was a strong stroke of luck and ALLAH'S guidance, there are many people around the world but it fell between us and I so much belief that we will make good partners now and after. It is with my sense of humour and good morals bestowed to every human being by Allah that made me seek for your assistance to carry out this transaction and my relationship with you is anchored on TRUST as I hope that you will not betray me by sitting on this money when it gets into your account. I hold you on trust and I want you to treat me the same for our better interests.
My contact to you is based on trust because with the condition of my stay here. It will be very difficult for me to make any impact on my own to conclude this transaction. As I made you to understand in my proposal. I am a former loyal aide to the deposed ruler of IRAQ Saddam Hussein in charge of logistic and supply in the Presidential Villa Tikrit then, but now I am in a self-exile. I have a family of four but they are not with me presently for security reasons. As we progress in this transaction you will know exactly whom you are dealing with and that I have clear conscience for our better future.
Already the consignments are deposited in a Finance House in Europe. Due to my present situation as a refugee, I am not permitted to move freely in the city, but the first step is to present you as the owner of the consignments so that the fund can be transferred to your choice bank account. My assurance is that the money is intact in Europe and the contact information of the Finance House will be given to you.
In other for us to proceed, I will require you to send to me your Full Name, telephone and fax numbers so that I will send it to the finance company where the fund is deposited, to enable them establish contact with you for the transfer of the money to your designated bank account. When you have received the money I will then come over to your country for my own share and further investment in any lucrative business you may advise me to venture.
With your maximum co-operation and constant contact, this transaction will be concluded in the shortest minimum time and the watchword of this transaction is to maintain absolute secret and total confidentiality in other of us to achieve our aim.
I hope that you understood all that I have explained above. If you have more questions, please feel free to ask for clarification. Once more I assure you that all will be legally bound without any breach of law.
Thanks for your anticipated co-operation.
Best regards,
Abudul Tafiq.
Dear Mr Abudul Tafiq,
A salaam a leikum, let us praise Allah (peace be upon him) for this magnificent opportunity that he has presented us with.
My details are as follows:
Name: Mr Dick Wright-Upham
Age: 56 Earth-years
Address: Elm House
10 Elm Street
London
WC1X OBJ
Telephone: (Switchboard, not secure)
Fax:
Star Sign: Vaggitarius
Flaccid length: 1.5”
Engorged 5.1”
Max Girth 3.2”
Make haste, my friend, for time is of the essence
Regards,
Dick
Apparently Dick has got so excited by the prospect of such massive wealth that he has inadvertently given his Iraqi partner the address, phone number and fax number of the Serious Fraud Office
Dear Brother,
I have received your mail including your full details,thanks I appreciate.Due to my present condition here as a refugee, almost all my movement and activities are highly monitored by FBI because America still believes that most SADAAM AIDE are hiding in Syria. You can also understand that it takes me days before replying your mails due to my limited movement. Please bear and understand with me the Finance Company contact information shall be forward to you.
Thanks for your understanding.
Best regards,
Abudul Tafiq
Dear Abudul,
I have not yet received so much as a single solitary sausage from you. You say your limited movement delays your replies, but I do not understand how constipation relates to your rate of reply (unless you keep your stationary 'well hidden' in the manner of Papillon), so come on old son, get your finger out or I'll have to see what sort of price I can get for you with the coalition forces.
Regards,
Dick Wight-Upham
Dear Mr. Dick Wright-Upham,
What is the position of our transaction? I have not heard from. According to the information passed to me by the finance company, I was told that they have tried severally to contact you but your telephone always leave a strange message. Please indicate to me the real or a constant number where you can be reached at ease, if possible send your Mobile telephone number to me urgently. Thanks for your understanding.
Yours truly,
Abudul Tafiq.
Dear Mr. Dick,
I have received your mail and was not surprised with the content.
With reference to your mail, actually my movement is limited but not to the extent that I cannot reply your mail. You’re threatening mail will not discourage me from concluding this transaction. Mr. George Gallaway a former British MP that assisted me in depositing this fund can assist me but as at this moment I have lost his present contact information in Spain where is residing for now. I glad that I did not disclose my contact information to you, if not you could have use t against me by reporting me to the INTERPOL, FBI or the COALITION FORCES as you indicated. Meanwhile if you are no more interested to assist me concluded this transaction let me know so that I will stretch my search on how to get the present contact of Mr. George Gallaway.
Best regards.
Abudul Tafiq.
Dear Abudul,
Please accept my apologies for the stupid comment I made.
I made the comment because I had begun to think that you were just someone messing about, trying to get me excited about getting rich and then disappearing. It appears I have gravely misjudged you. If you are still prepared to do business with me, please get in touch.
Regards,
Dick
Dear Mr. Dick.
Thanks for your apology; I have accepted it in good faith. Though a lot of strange things are happening all over the world that no one believes any one any more, but the truth remains that my proposal is real and in good faith I have proposed it to you. By the time we have concluded this transaction you will know what I am talking about. Our relationship will not end after the conclusion of this transaction rather it will last for a long time. As I requested previously, please send your private telephone number to me so that I will forward it to the finance company where the fund is deposited for onward contact to you for the transfer of the fund to your designated Bank account. Upon reply to this mail, intimate me of what you are doing for a leaving. Attached is my passport photograph for identification, Please confirm the receipt.
Thanks for your understanding.
Best regards,
Abudul Tafiq.
Dear Abubul,
Your acceptance of my apology means a great deal to me, and I am most grateful to you. You are a man with the plenty big cojones, and I respect that.
I see this plan of yours as being a great opportunity for bridges to be built between your Islamic world, and the Christian world which I live in. I am the vicar of a small parish in the South-West of England. My church, The Cottager's Church of the Felching Christ, has been praying for an end to this mindless war, I don't know how George Bush can call himself a man of God at a such a time, when the stretched twig of peace is at melting point.
My details are as follows (I think I have already sent you these once)
Tel: (Church Switchboard, not secure as any clergy may answer)
Fax:
I enclose my ID card, and confirm I received your handsome picture, which I found to be very attractive indeed.
Yours in God,
Rt. Rev. Dick Wright Upham
Dear Rt. Rev. Dick Wright,
This is to acknowledge the receipt of your mail and the content are well noted. I am now relaxed with you after knowing that I am dealing with a Man of GOD. Besides our previous misunderstandings, this fund is safe under your custody, which is most essential to me. The Koran we read teaches us how to relate with our fellow human being but some devilish ones are coursing problems between the CHRISTAINS and MUSLIMS. I believe that it is God that has joined us together, after the fruitful conclusion of this transaction; we will work together to preach to the world that CHRISTAINS and MUSLIMS are same creatures from GOD. I will use part of the fund for the poor needy among us because what I saw during the reign of SADAAM and the outrageous casualties during the bombardment of Iraq still ache my feelings. I received a mail from the finance company where the fund is deposited and they informed me that they have tried to reach you but the message always goes to theChurch Switchboard. As a result to this, I suggest you forward your mobile Telephone number so that you will be reached privately at any time. This transaction requires utmost confidentiality because the amount of money involved is not what we will toy around with. Hope for world peace and Allah Bless us all...
Thanks for your understanding.
Best regards,
Abudul Tafiq.
Dear Rev. Dick Wright Upham, How are you? I hope all is well with you.
Rev, I have not heard from you regarding my last mail to you. Please state your position, as time is no
longer on my side. Thanks for your understanding and GOD Bless you.
Abudul Tafiq
My dear Abudul,
I offer my apologies for not replying to you more swiftly, I was away for a few days at the annual Church of the Felching Christ Choirboy Reaming Competition, held at York Minster. I did really well this year, my best ever performance placing me equal fifth.
Despite our different belief systems, our books, The Koran and The Bible have much in common, in that they both try to teach us how to relate with our fellow humans. If we think of belief as ice-cream, the Christians and Muslims (peace be upon them) are just two different flavours of a wonderful substance. I think of myself as being like vanilla ice cream, because of my pale complexion. I think of you as being chocolate ice cream, yummy scrumptious, so nice to lick all over.
You say some devilish ones are causing problems between the CHRISTAINS and MUSLIMS. I have to agree with you, that devil dog Bush has no right to invoke the name of God to try and legitimise his atrocious warmongering, and I draw great comfort from your Muslim acceptance of me, a Christian as a brother. It is God's / Allah's (peace be upon him) love for men that has joined us together.
We WILL work together to preach to the world that CHRISTAINS and MUSLIMS are same creatures from GOD, and we will show the world how love can unite two men of different faiths.
Oh, this is such a good thing that we do together
Peace and Love be upon you,
Rev Dick Wright-Upham
Dear Rev Dick Wright-Upham,
I have received your mail and I thank you for the sermon. I also congratulate you for the feat you made in the annual Church of the Felching Christ Choirboy Reaming Competition, which you took the fifth Position as your best ever performance. If not the almighty, you will not achieve this feat and we this is to the glory of ALLAH/GOD. The beginning of more good things is coming to us.
The Bible thought us that Jesus Christ is the son of GOD but the KORAN said he is a prophet, so the different of all is our belief, but we all know that we are created by one GOD either you call him ALLAH or GOD but I know he is one and the only TRUE GOD/ALLAH. Please for us to proceed and conclude this transaction as projected, send your private telephone or mobile number so that I will send it to the Finance house to enable them contact you for the onward transfer of the fund. Make it swiftly because time is not on our side any longer more over the finance company has been notified and they are waiting for your contact information.
Thanks for your understanding.
GOD bless you.
Abudul Tafiq.
Dear Rt. Rev. Dick Wright Upham,
How are you today? I hope all is well with you.
I have not heard from you after congratulate you over
the feat you made in the annual Church of the Felching
Christ Choirboy Reaming Competition, which you took
the fifth Position as your best ever performance. Is
there any problem?
My brother, I am worried to conclude this transaction because since I came to Syria I have not seen my family at least to know their health conditions. More over, they do not have money to feed, even as I am staying here, I have no money to take care of myself presently. This fund is my only hope and the earlier I receive it is better for me. I believe since we have started there is no need to waste more time.
I know you are a busy man as regards to your status in your country as a clergyman because I have stayed closely with some clergyman you know there are few in this part of the world, I know how they attend to different committee meetings for the church just like the IMMANS, and I know your are not different from such busy schedules. However, we have to apply a scale of preference as it regards to this noble transaction. Also this fund has a retain ship period and if the time expires, the fund will be returned to the source and I will not be able to claim it again based on the fact that I will not travel to Baghdad and there is no money for me to process the transfer.
Upon reply to this mail, please let me know your
plans.
I remain yours,
Abudul Tafiq
Dear Abudul,
Thank you so much for writing again, as I was afraid that I had missed this fantastic opportunity you presented, and thank you for your kind words about my Choirboy reaming achievements.
I have not been in touch because I have been in hospital for a week or so with a very inflamed minge, due to an incident in the public water closet with a back door conquistador.
I have tried to phone you several times but I cannot get through, I expect this is because of the damaged telecommunications infrastructure in your neck of the woods. You already have my contact details, so I shall await further instructions.
I hate that bastard Bush for raping your country, one day I am sure he will pay for his crimes.
May Allah (Peace be upon him) go with you
Rt Rev Dick Wright-Upham
Dear Rt Rev Dick Wright-Upham,
Thanks for your mail. Unfortunately, I do not have access to be called on phone since I am on Asylum. Severally the Finance Company has missed you when they I phoned. The most reason why I requested for your direct telephone number is for the Finance Company to be able to get in contact with you. That is much needed for now as we have almost gotten to the finishing line. Things are in good shape but it partly lies on your shoulder to facilitate the speedy communication with the Finance Company so that the money can be dislodged soonest. I have my hopes very high on you and I pray that you will not relent on your efforts. At least, my concern for now is to re-instate my family that is intotal disarray.
I urgently wait for your response.
Best regards,
Abudul Tafiq.
It must be so awful to have this happen to your family.
I hope you can sort it out soon, remember that Allah (May the Force be with him) is looking out for you... Always
Rev DWR
Dear Rev,
I have received your mail thanks for your concern. The finance Company in Holland has tried to reach you on several occasion but they have not been through. Since they have tried to reach you without success, please try your possible best and contact them so that you will receive the fund. As I told you previously, we have wasted a lot of time and transaction of this level is not required to last more than the projected time.
As soon as you have established communication with the finance company, they will advise you on how to receive the fund. Thanks for your understanding.
Best regards.
Abudul Tafiq.
Mr Tafiq,
I don't know quite what is going on. I have given you all my personal details (except for the fact that I like to wear lingerie, in particular lacy g-strings and stockings. Do you do anything like this?) on more than one occasion, and have checked again to make sure that they were correct. Are you dialling the correct international prefix for the UK, it is 44, or in some cases 44010. I do not have a mobile phone as I am a man of the church, my vestments have no pockets and besides which, I would be very embarrassed if some jolly ring tone burst out in the middle of a funeral.
I urge you to try again.
Revvy Wevvy
Dear Rev,
How are you today/ I hope all is well with you?
I have not heard from you, I hope there is no problem.
Have you been contacted by the Finance Company? Please
let me know the condition of our transaction, as time
is no longer on our side.
Thanks for your understanding.
Wasalam.
Abudul Tafiq.
FOREX CLEARING HOUSE.
OFFSHORE PAYMENT CENTER,
AMSTERDAM THE NETHERLANDS.
TEL:-.
FAX:-.
CONTACT PERSON:MR JAMES WISE.
ATTN:Rev Dick Wright-Upham,
This is to inform you that we are in a receipt of a consignment naming you as the beneficiary and i want you to bear in mind that you will be required to travel down to Amsterdam to sign for the final release order that will facilitate the release of your consignment to you without any delay. For further clarifications you are to contact this office in the next 24hours in our 24hours line above.
We await your immediate response as soon as possible.
Best regards,
Mrs, Wilek Monik.
(secretary).
To Whomsoever it may Concerneth,
Greetings from England!
Forsooth and Zounds! 'tis true then, this deal is real. My cup truly runneth over for mine IS the kingdom, the power and the money, Oh yes! The money! Kerrr-ching! Cashback. Let us linger no longer, let's go spend our Wonga! as I believe Paul wrote in his epistle to the Corinthians. Or was he an apostle to the Corinthians? I tell you what, I bloody don't even care.
Sorry, I got a bit carried away there, it must've been the rush of blood from my brain as the old mutton musket stirred into life for the first time this millennium. Ye! Verily do I declare that there was a drop of precum on my bobby's helmet.
Anyhow, I set sail for the fair port of Amsterdam this very morrow, so if you could send me the details of what I need to bring (other than the obvious, jimjams, packet of three, the swarfega and the marigolds etc) I will arrive shipshape and Bristol fashion, ready to do business.
May the Lord goeth with ye
Rev Dick Wright-Upham
Cottager's Church of the Felching Christ
Choristers-cum-Swiftly
Near London